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Long Nights

For my father Rodrigo "Chito" Mendoza

May 27, 2003

Written by Elaine Mercedes Mendoza

It's so like you to leave like this.

Without even a kiss.

Now I toss and turn until sunrise.

How can I feel this despair

and I don't want to fall into the trap of thinking

this just isn't "fair."

Love and sadness feel the same.

The feeling of butterflies when hearing your name.

This ache in my chest keeps me up all night.

With images of you filling my sight.

How do you want me to deal with this?

Father, my soul is forever torn.

and now all I can do is mourn.

No more of your wisdom and guidance,

only this unbearable silence.

How I wish you could see me today

cause all I do is cry when I'm alone.

How dare you leave me like this?

Thinking there is so much that you'll miss....

I could not kiss you goodbye.

Only have memories of when you were alive.

The only comfort inside of me

is that someday you'll welcome me.

You'll tell me you silly girl crying for me.

I haven't left you. 

I passed away but I didn't die.

That's why I didn't say goodbye.

Everyone has their time.

I just got mine.

And you know what you all....

Here I can drink all the wine.

It's not that I left you without a kiss.

I'm just saving it for when we meet again.

In the meanwhile I'm just hanging out here

with my parents and my friends.

Till then I too will ache.

Cause I made so many mistakes.

There is so much I didn't share.

I loved you all,

But you were not made aware.

Nowadays when I speak you cannot hear me.

When I'm there, you cannot see me.

In a way I have been set free,

but I'll be waiting for you all to be here with me.

So please no more tears for me.

I have been set free from the physical world.

An angel and lawyer you now have in heaven

With many cases to solve.

I'll start by keeping a close eye on each one of you,

and from here I'll do as much as I can do.

I wish you could see that I'm still alive

and lately all I do is cry.

Cause I too am here without all of you.

But pray for me,

from here I can say,

that I love all of you.

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