Ten Reminders Your Ex Deserves the X
CLEARLY TOO CUTE FOR YOU!
I get questions on almost a daily basis on the EX files. We have ALL been there. What do we do? Can we be friends? Do I practice no contact? Can we get them back? There are exceptions to every rule but if you are reading this — these are my GO TO personal rules that I use when handling ex´s. They work for me and they keep me happy and at peace.
10) They are your EX for a reason. If the reason you broke up STILL exists — there is NO point of getting back together. You cannot change another person. If they work too much, have addictions, or they do something that is a deal breaker for you — -getting back together is a waste of time. If the reason you broke up is there, pull that band-aid off once and for all and do it fast.
9) There is someone better FOR you. I am a strong believer that God does not take away. He replaces it with better. You are not being rejected in the big scheme of things. You are being re-directed.
8)Trust is gone forever. Seriously. Someone left you. They cheated on you. They abused you. Whatever the reason is — they left you physically, emotionally or both. You gave it 100% and it STILL was not enough. When this happens, you are CLEARLY not with the right person. The right one will never ever let you go no matter what. Remember that. Reject THAT which rejects you.
7)You are not in love. Attachment is real. We love habits –and sometimes people become another habit to break. Once this habit is removed, the withdrawal symptoms are real. The pain is real. The hurt is unbearable. However, after you detox from this person you may just realize you were never in love–you were attached.
6) This one seems obvious but remind yourself that they left you. Duh! (see #8). Can you ever trust someone that leaves you? I once had a lover that professed true love for me like never ever before. The words were poetic but the actions were so atrocious that they were borderline comical –in a Shakespearean tragedy sort of way. Believe the actions.
5) You deserve better. Seriously. The great big love of your life is always there. They do not leave you to play the field, get back together with their ex, or expect to get all the benefits with you without any of the responsibility. They did you a favor by becoming your ex. You better believe it!
4) Love does not hurt all the time but not being properly loved DOES. Your ex hurt you not once and not twice. They hurt you repeatedly. You can forgive them, you can love them and even remember them. However, they cannot properly love you. That job is up to YOU.
3) They cheated on you or left to play the field. This one is obvious. Do you think the greatest love of your life will jump the fence to see if the grass is greener elsewhere? No! They will feel so lucky to have YOU. Beautiful, amazing, and wonderful you!
2) They have no respect for you or the relationship. They are late, stand you up, forget your birthday and give mixed messages. Then, they blow up your ear with sweet nothings if they want sex. This is not love and it is certainly not respect.
1) Feelings changed. Once you get far away from a situation you can see it clearly. Feelings DO change. I have ALL of my ex´s in my heart in one way or another but I would not take ANY of them back. Why? Because my feelings changed. Once you have love for yourself, respect for your well being, and peace of mind — you realize that the person you were so passionately in love with is no longer in your heart in a romantic way. Which brings me to the bonus question:
Can you be friends? From my experience YES but only when you are truly over them romantically. Friendship is great when you realize that feelings have changed. Do not use friendship as an excuse to get back together. Do not use the friendship card to later break up once again. I believe two former lovers can be friends if they are both in other relationships but miss the friendship they once shared before hell broke loose. At this point, be respectful of your current partner and see if they are comfortable with you being friends with the ex.
Some people were meant to be friends and never lovers. Some people were meant to be lovers but never friends. It happens. Just make sure that your ex STAYS that way. You cannot write a new chapter for your life when you are still reading the old one. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and start writing and living your new life.
Draw a big red X over your ex´s name (see what I did there). Life is too short to waste it on all the wrong people. Go and be your fabulous self and do not settle for the one that got away. They wanted to leave. It is just as easy to stay if they had wanted to stay. Maya Angelou said ¨When someone shows you who they are, believe them.¨ Yes! Do not go around being stubborn. One day someone will walk into your life that will never ever let you go. They will not sleep with other people because they will not want to. They will not ask for a ¨break¨ because they are 100% sure that they want YOU without hesitation. Not even once will they hesitate if they want to be with you or not. They may have a lot of questions about life but they are SURE about you. That is the LOVE you deserve. Until this person shows up — keep living life and keep loving YOU today and always.