• Elaine Mendoza

The Day I Consciously Chose To Be Single Until...

I Wanted to Focus on Me and Date ONLY Me

About four years ago, I realized that I wanted to CONSCIOUSLY choose to be single. At first glance you might think that it’s a negative mid-life crisis. The day I turned 40, I took a long hard look at my life, my choices, and then I said "Past-BE GONE" and just like that I started my life as someone that wanted to travel. Perhaps you may judge me as being a bit bitter, jaded, or even disappointed with life. Quite the contrary, I have a happy life full of abundance, amazing friends, and beautiful memories that have brought me here.

Making the CONSCIOUS choice to be single also sends out a message. It’s OK to be single and wait for someone/or not that TRULY deserves what we have to offer. I have had my share of heartbreaks, disappointments, and disillusionment, but all of these experiences have taught me that enough is enough and being single—when it’s a conscious choice—no longer is a status that makes us sad or pathetic. If anything, it is tremendously empowering to say “I have love in my life. I am single but I have love. I see it everywhere. I share it with every-ONE.”


The Moment "I" Shifted

I don’t remember what the exact moment was. I believe it was a series of moments—but suddenly I found myself deleting dating profiles online and no longer accepting dates from friends who mean well—but didn’t understand that I had finally reached a place of complete contentment and peace in my life. I didn’t have to find my prince to save me from myself:) I say the word prince as a metaphor–of course. Whether your preference are men, women, or both—love is love no matter what form it takes.


Appreciating ALL KINDS OF LOVE

Right now I have love. I have love at home when I fix myself dinner or quietly watch a Netflix movie. This is a moment that many of my friends envy for they have kids to take care of or husbands watching the game. The love of peace and quiet. I have love when I meet my friends for dinner and we discuss everything going on in our lives. I have love when I take a road trip or visit an exotic land. I feel the love of the country, the culture, the music, the food, the shared experiences.

The day I CONSCIOUSLY chose to stay single is the day I SUDDENLY started to realize that LOVE IS EVERYWHERE. If and when I find someone else—the love we share together will not make us or break us. It will simply ADD to our already happy selves that we created and built on our own. Now this does not mean that I do not have my moments. As independent and self-sufficient as I am, I want love just like any other human being. I have companionship in many forms from friends to strangers that I meet on any given day. However, I believe we all want and deserve love, but it doesn't always appear in our lives when we want it. It is during these times that we must identify and appreciate the types of love that we DO have. It is so easy to notice what isn't there.


I Will Not Settle for Less

Traveling has opened my horizons as well as my curiosity for people completely different than I am. I have crushes on many people and all in different countries. I love them all in different ways, but many of them remain in my life as good friends or a memory. I will not settle for someone unless I am madly passionate about them. I have already dated people that looked good on the surface, but that ended up feeling like the Sunday morning paper to me. In my world, the Sunday news is a tragic and depressing publication full of terrible news. I will also not settle for abuse of any type. I have already earned those stripes in a past relationship. Traveling has made me realize that I am probably most compatible with another traveler. I have learned that there is more to life than a wedding ring and that there's more out there for me to experience. Settling for someone that you should not be with is a huge waste of time and it only distracts you from your path. I will remain single until I find an equal. I am not looking for someone out of security, convenience, and/or loneliness. Similarly, the person that loves me will know that we are partners in life because it is a choice we make every day. It is not an obligation. Love is about the freedom to choose what we want and in that freedom two people choose each other.

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